That's what we men are supposed to be.
I'm going through what I can only describe as a nightmare in my personal life at the moment. I won't divulge what it is about but I will talk generally, as much to try to soothe the pain as anything else.
I am at a loss as to what to do and cannot really share it with anyone. One good friend knows a little but to lean too much in that direction would be unfair.
That's where my silence comes in. At least in part.
But strength? Oh my word, I feel anything but strong. A dazed rabbit looking into headlights would describe me at the moment.
So I'll talk to me..............and you the reader, although you will wonder what it is about. That doesn't matter. Any traumatic experience has a commonality. So there may be some interest to you, the casual reader. My question is how do you cope with personal trauma?
My shift tonight helped. I was able to lose myself in work. But what else? Alcohol? Well, a large, super large, whisky is at my side. Temporary at best. Sleep? Oh yes. I can understand why some would want to make that permanent too. Peace. Of course that is not a serious option. Life is too wonderful........even when it is shit............to throw away.
But I think you have to examine every option to help gain some sense of balance. After all, if I want to get through this I must imagine that there is something good beyond. Trouble is.............I don't know what that is.
Sometimes, though, the unknown can be the answer. It's life's way of throwing the cards up in the air and seeing what happens. Being fatalistic.
Yup..............that's what I'll be;a fatalist. What will be will be. Let it pan out. Take whatever opportunities there are and see what comes out at the end. Even better; regard the next few days as a kind of roller coaster ride....................oh fuck; a frightening one.
I, sort of, feel better.
................or is it the whisky LOL
This has been the most important post I have ever made-for me..............so far...........I wonder what I will think when I look at it on this day one year from now.